Thursday, September 22, 2011

Heart Words

These are thoughts that only close ones will recognize, and only Jesus will fully understand. This is where I am and, though I feel the pressure to be positive, I want to let some honestly leak out. And in all honesty, there's nothing positive about my current disposition. Positive will come back... but she's on an untimely vacation right now.

A scar, a tan line, a wandering heart...

The scar tells me this experience will stay with me forever.

The tan line on my arm... the one I look at when I stick my hand out the window during my Biola Ave. "getaway song" ritual...tells me it's still in the recent past... and there is nothing I can do to quicken the whole time thing.

My wandering heart? Well, it just is. So much of my heart is not here right now. Not in California. Not in the ugly sunny days of September. I love living with roommates who can just be roommates and (not necessarily) anything more. But I can go a whole week without speaking to a true friend about true things if I don't try. But I do try because I know it's good.

I wonder how long I will be in this fog... I suppose I prefer a fog over a rain storm.

I promise I'll say thank you later.

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