Monday, June 25, 2012


{the BIG frames}

Well, I suppose it's time. Time to get some of my lofty ideas down on *paper*...

I am currently in a state of trying to distinguish between summer and life. Now that I've graduated, my life for the next few years or so is expected to be as it's been for this first month of freedom. However, I know things will change and I know I will get into more of a routine once regular work picks I am trying my best to embrace this summer break, as it were, so that I am refreshed for whatever that new pace may end up being. Do you follow? It can be hard not knowing...

Nonetheless, I am endlessly enjoying my life in the garden, my life of stories, my life as a nanny. And last weekend, I was given the opportunity to stay at a beach resort by myself. I could have taken a friend, but I quite honestly desired the alone time {even though these weeks in which I'm dwelling are nothing BUT alone time, as my family is overseas}...I struggled with knowing whether my quick decisions about solitary activities were healthy. This is how the process looked:

I wonder if I'm really ok being "the confident" woman some may see me as. Am I? Jetting down to a beach resort because it's free and there and I totally have the time right now...and yes, I almost feel that it would be more enjoyable alone.
I'm the girl who lived in two places at once to keep myself sane during a hectic semester...the girl who hikes down the mountain, away from her friends, to eat a $10 veggie platter at the Ahwahni...the girl who very quickly chose the BIG glasses frames, thinking she could pull them off.
So much of me is independent...and while I am good with this, I don't really want to be taking pride in it, nor do I want to suffer loneliness because of it.
Lord, would you show me where to place my independence in my walk with you? And would you remind me that it is a walk with you...thank you for guiding me through these thoughts.

So here I sit, another day off and another day for job searching, garden growing, and story emerging...and all the while, I have *independently* made myself busy with quite a few social engagements this week because, hey it's good for me, says my walking companion.

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