Saturday, August 20, 2011
There is so much going on in my life at the moment... good things, most of them.
I've been on a bit of a writing hiatus, as you may have noticed. I've just lost some of my gumption and energy. And when I say I've lost my energy, I really really mean that.
Last week, I started going to this wonderful doctor. She's a "natural path" chiropractor (that's what I'm calling her at least) and she made me feel so pardoned. You may be thinking, "odd word-choice there", but pardoned is exactly what I've needed to feel all throughout 2011. I just didn't know that's what I've been needing.
You see, I seriously struggle with my energy level. In the (recent and far) past, I would state possible reasons to people whenever I felt guilty or embarrassed for having to sit or lie down at a time when energy should have been flowing (like at Disneyland!). "My blood sugar is low." "My immune system is weakened." Well, as it turns out, these things are true. But I learned how very much it makes sense that I was constantly tired!
My doctor did a thorough check of all my systems: adrenal, endocrine, digestive, etc. & etc...I have strep in my system from when I was little, my adrenal glands are shot because of stress, I am mineral-deficient...and a load of other things.
What's wrong with me, though, is not really my focus. Remember my word: pardoned. I say "pardon me" a lot... but I think it and feel it a lot too.
I can't sit in this chair one more moment without falling asleep. "Pardon me."
I have to get home to rest. "Pardon me."
I'm so hungry I could eat my own arm. "Pardon me."
The greatest pardon I have ever received in life comes from my Lord Jesus. God the Father has pardoned me and my sins because of Jesus' sacrifice. That beautiful picture has been mirrored to other areas of my life this week as I realize that my not feeling well is genuinely justifiable. My numerously uttered concerns have not all been complaints; they were legitimate.
Justifiable, legitimate, pardoned.
It all comes down to being truly, truly understood.
So I moved into my new apartment this week (Yay!) and one of the first things I did was turn on the AC, plop down on the couch, and rest. Oh that's so not me! I flutter around, opening kitchen cabinets, exclaiming, "oh what a lovely window!", and admiring the '70s trim inside... and I did do that. But directly after, I plopped.
So is it my new home because I fluttered and got excited and am now starting to decorate? Or is it my new home because I was beyond tired, in pain, and needed to lie down? I don't know. But it doesn't matter... because I am pardoned. And that feels good.