Monday, October 17, 2011


This morning I'm grateful for a strange thing: independence. Not the, "Yay! I feel so free and I can do whatever I want!" kind of independence, though there are days I totally bask in that. But today I'm grateful for the, "It's just me and Jesus right now" kind of independence.

Though I LOVE children and long for the day when I can hold my own baby in my arms, I'm so grateful that it's not now. I'm blessed to have woken up at 6:00 this morning for the sake of getting a head start on my day, rather than my child's. I'm hoping this doesn't sound at all harsh or arrogant because I really, truly respect and look forward to motherhood... I'm just so glad it's not today.

I wake up, I think about the meals I need to eat on a given day, I put just enough water in the tea kettle for one, I get myself out the door and I don't interact with anyone for a good hour. I like being alone in the mornings. I definitely want to be married in this life, but I may just have to work out some kind of a quiet morning agreement with my husband... or maybe I'm just supposed to enjoy this season and let the next one come as it may.

I then go to work, attend classes, decide how I want to do homework that day, make myself a meal, and maybe maybe have a meaningful conversation with a friend. Depends if I work up the gumption to make a phone call. I spend time with the Lord, I take a nap (note: part of the daily routine), and I choose some form of entertainment for the night... Gilmore Girls, crafting, bubble bath, Hulu...

Agh, this isn't coming out at all how I'd intended. This may sound to you like I'm a lazy bum who's saying, "Well thank God I don't have a care in the world!" No, no, no. I recognize the privileged spot from which I stand. And this spot has trials of its own, like loneliness, financial instability, and future-related anxieties. But today, I'm grateful. I'm grateful that there is no one to report to unless I want to do the reporting. In which case, I'll probably call my mama and tell her about how awful it is to have a chest cold...

And for all you mamas, thank you for

doing what you're doing,

caring for those kiddos,

and reminding me that I better enjoy that nap 'cause it won't be long before I have to give up "independent" pleasures for the sake of my family. I think I get it.

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