Tuesday, November 9, 2010
I may just be in that valley...
Y'all (yup, I'm speaking Tennessee), it's true. I may just be in that valley. You know the one. The "yea though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death" one. The "oh my gosh. What's going on?" one. I called Jamie in desperation today (and if I was her, I would have been scared)... tears from "hello".
K, here's what's going on: I hit the ground running!
First of all, I HATE goodbyes. So you can imagine that saying goodbye to this dear friend was awful. For the whole ride to the airport, my stomach was in knots. So Jamie held my hand like she'd done many times that weekend and spoke truth and encouragement over me. Long story short, I've gotten used to people in airports seeing me in tears.
I didn't know if I had enough money for gas on the way home so I got just a few gallons... after I found a gas station that was actually open, that is (who knew they could close?). I tried to figure out the math of how far this gas would take me since my gauge is broken, but my body felt like it was 2am. Hungry and nothing to eat but the picked-over peanuts and mangoes.
Yesterday was manageable.
Today was not. I woke up sick, drove to school, and said, "Lord I KNOW there is good in this day... take me to it." I made it through 7 hours and then decided to cut the marathon Tuesday short. I failed a paper. Yes. I've never failed a paper before; I didn't know it was possible to thoroughly complete an assignment and still fail it. This is me, miss lined-up-to-graduate summa cum laude. You can probably imagine my alarm.
There is so much more I could write about that's hard right now...my impatience with being back home, past hurts reemerging, loneliness... But I don't think it would be helpful to anyone, myself included, to go into detail. Instead, I will choose to read the rest of that verse:
"Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil: for thou art with me; thy rod and thy staff they comfort me. Thou preparest a table before me in the presence of mine enemies: thou anointest my head with oil; my cup runneth over." -Psalm 22:4-5
Yes, it is true. This was said to me today: "God's got good things for you. He's bringing you out into open lush places."